Mutterings of a Scrapbee

Good news for a change!

So my good news today is....................

I'M PREGNANT!!!! Yipeeeeeee I can shout it from the roof tops (well almost!) as I had the 12 week and 2 day scan yesterday and all looks well with beanie baby! This little one is due on 31st December (according to the hospital!) or 29th December (according to my dates!) Whatever, as this baby is probably going to be delivered by elective c section anyway so will probably be 2 weeks before then. So this poor little baby is going to be an almost Christmas baby like its mum!!

Had a scare yesterday though as I had some bleeding and was absolutely pretrified that something terrible was happening, but the Sonographer said that baby is good and healthy and has a strong healthy heartbeat and all the right bits in all the right places :o) That made me very happy. The bleeding has now stopped but I've had a few niggly pains but nothing other, so hopefully all will be well now. Only time will tell....

So, gramps knew before he passed and I was glad of that, as mum told him the Sunday before he died and he called me in tears as he was so proud :o) I just know he is looking out for this little one. Funny really as he said the week he went into hospital that I was pregnant! I had absolutely no idea at that stage, not even a hint, so that was a bit spooky when I did find out a couple of weeks later.

Life has been tough these past few weeks. I don't feel that I am coping with his death at all well. In fact I think its hurting more now than it did the first few days after he died. I think its because I didn't deal with it the same as the rest of the family. They were all together (mum, nan and my bro) at the time he died and just after as nan was staying with mum and dad and so they were sitting talking, crying, laughing and sharing their stories together and looking at old photos etc. so they kind of counselled each other through the tough part, where as I never had that, I just had to get on and deal with it in my own way and on my own so to speak. I couldn't talk to anyone about the memories that I shared with him or things we had done together as outsiders just wouldn't understand. Ash, bless him, has tried but he said that its hard to be strong when he sees me upset! I really think that its time I asked for a little help now, so that I am able to come to terms with my loss. I miss him each and every day and find it so hard to go to his house and not finding him sitting in the chair, watching the TV and ready to share a story with me, whether it be something he'd seen on TV, something he'd read in the paper or just an old memory!

Gramps I miss you so very much, keep an eye on Beanie and keep him or her safe for me :o) Love you xxxx

posted by Sarah @ 5:37 AM