Mutterings of a Scrapbee

Arrangements

So Gramps funeral will take place next Wednesday at 11am. I am sure it is really going to hit me then. It all still feels a little surreal and I keep thinking that he'll still be sat in his armchair watching the TV when I go to their house for a visit, its just so weird.

Dunno what it was, but we always had such a special bond me and Gramps! Even Nan says that! The things we used to talk about! Even my Nan has never gotten over him having a lengthy discussion with me a few years back now about periods LOL! He never spoke to my mum about things like that! All those happy memories keep flooding back and making me laugh out loud, smile or cry! I loved him so very much and he has left a very big gap in my life. I just hope that he is happy where he is now and is looking down on me and guiding me. Take care my special angel x

I ordered the flowers for him on Tuesday evening and decieded on a wreath which is made of white flowers with a purple ribbon around the edge and a spray of purple and white flowers on the top, the lovely lady in the florist also said that she is going to put GRAMPS in silver letters accross it too. I know I will cry when I have to pick them up next Wednesday morning. I really wanted to have a heart done, but it was too expensive and I could hear him in my head saying "don't you dare bloody well pay that for flowers, you know what I think of them and I know the money is best spent somewhere else!" Gramps never was a fan of taking flowers to funerals as he said they cost so much yet die in a week and no one actually gets to enjoy them! Must have been the Jewish blood in him! But I can see where he's coming from!

I am going to get some old photos of him in his youth and early 20s from my nan so that I can make a memory album of him, I don't really think that I am going to be able to do this immediately but in time I know I'll get strong enough to do it. I really want to do this for Daisy as she'll never grow up to know her great Gramps, but at least I can share some memories with her.

I just want to say a HUGE thank you too all those people out there who have supported me over the last few days, be it with emails, comments, PM's etc. You know who you are. But a big think you to one person in particular, Claire, I am so glad I have you as a friend xx

posted by Sarah @ 6:23 AM 1 comments

So, so sad

Last night at 20:45 my dear Gramps passed away. He was 72, 6 weeks short of his 73rd birthday.

Today I feel empty. I feel like someone took out my heart,, stamped all over it and put it back. I can't stop crying and had very little sleep, I feel sick.

I know he is in a much happier place and he's no longer suffering and that is a good thing, but I just can't imagine never seeing his face light up when I came into the room, or hearing him call me flower ever again and have no one to stick up for me at family gatherings! I want him back. I want 5 more minutes just to let him know how much I loved him. I know he knew that but...

I keep remembering all the good times, all the happy memories and they make me smile just a little today. I remember our first holiday together in Malta, I have never enjoyed myself more. It was just me Gramps and Nan and I know they were worried that I wouldn't have a good time because thery were that much older, but I had the best time! The day we were driving to the beach and a lorry over took us and splashed muddy water through the window of the hire car all over nan! She was soooo angry but Gramps and I were in the front absolutely pissing ourselves laughing! He taught me how to dive properly that holiday too! And we dressed up one night in stupid clothes and glasses and had our picture taken and that picture sits on the side at my nan and Gramps house. I also remember the day he found out I was pregnant with Daisy, he wasn't feeling well that day and rang me in tears as he was so proud! He also loved her to pieces!

Anyway, Gramps, I miss you so much, I love you. Goodnight and Rest in peace Michael Roy Allen xxxx

posted by Sarah @ 1:01 AM 3 comments

A challenge!!`

posted by Sarah @ 1:10 AM 1 comments