Good news for a change!
So my good news today is....................
I'M PREGNANT!!!! Yipeeeeeee I can shout it from the roof tops (well almost!) as I had the 12 week and 2 day scan yesterday and all looks well with beanie baby! This little one is due on 31st December (according to the hospital!) or 29th December (according to my dates!) Whatever, as this baby is probably going to be delivered by elective c section anyway so will probably be 2 weeks before then. So this poor little baby is going to be an almost Christmas baby like its mum!!
Had a scare yesterday though as I had some bleeding and was absolutely pretrified that something terrible was happening, but the Sonographer said that baby is good and healthy and has a strong healthy heartbeat and all the right bits in all the right places :o) That made me very happy. The bleeding has now stopped but I've had a few niggly pains but nothing other, so hopefully all will be well now. Only time will tell....
So, gramps knew before he passed and I was glad of that, as mum told him the Sunday before he died and he called me in tears as he was so proud :o) I just know he is looking out for this little one. Funny really as he said the week he went into hospital that I was pregnant! I had absolutely no idea at that stage, not even a hint, so that was a bit spooky when I did find out a couple of weeks later.
Life has been tough these past few weeks. I don't feel that I am coping with his death at all well. In fact I think its hurting more now than it did the first few days after he died. I think its because I didn't deal with it the same as the rest of the family. They were all together (mum, nan and my bro) at the time he died and just after as nan was staying with mum and dad and so they were sitting talking, crying, laughing and sharing their stories together and looking at old photos etc. so they kind of counselled each other through the tough part, where as I never had that, I just had to get on and deal with it in my own way and on my own so to speak. I couldn't talk to anyone about the memories that I shared with him or things we had done together as outsiders just wouldn't understand. Ash, bless him, has tried but he said that its hard to be strong when he sees me upset! I really think that its time I asked for a little help now, so that I am able to come to terms with my loss. I miss him each and every day and find it so hard to go to his house and not finding him sitting in the chair, watching the TV and ready to share a story with me, whether it be something he'd seen on TV, something he'd read in the paper or just an old memory!
Gramps I miss you so very much, keep an eye on Beanie and keep him or her safe for me :o) Love you xxxx
Arrangements
So Gramps funeral will take place next Wednesday at 11am. I am sure it is really going to hit me then. It all still feels a little surreal and I keep thinking that he'll still be sat in his armchair watching the TV when I go to their house for a visit, its just so weird.
Dunno what it was, but we always had such a special bond me and Gramps! Even Nan says that! The things we used to talk about! Even my Nan has never gotten over him having a lengthy discussion with me a few years back now about periods LOL! He never spoke to my mum about things like that! All those happy memories keep flooding back and making me laugh out loud, smile or cry! I loved him so very much and he has left a very big gap in my life. I just hope that he is happy where he is now and is looking down on me and guiding me. Take care my special angel x
I ordered the flowers for him on Tuesday evening and decieded on a wreath which is made of white flowers with a purple ribbon around the edge and a spray of purple and white flowers on the top, the lovely lady in the florist also said that she is going to put GRAMPS in silver letters accross it too. I know I will cry when I have to pick them up next Wednesday morning. I really wanted to have a heart done, but it was too expensive and I could hear him in my head saying "don't you dare bloody well pay that for flowers, you know what I think of them and I know the money is best spent somewhere else!" Gramps never was a fan of taking flowers to funerals as he said they cost so much yet die in a week and no one actually gets to enjoy them! Must have been the Jewish blood in him! But I can see where he's coming from!
I am going to get some old photos of him in his youth and early 20s from my nan so that I can make a memory album of him, I don't really think that I am going to be able to do this immediately but in time I know I'll get strong enough to do it. I really want to do this for Daisy as she'll never grow up to know her great Gramps, but at least I can share some memories with her.
I just want to say a HUGE thank you too all those people out there who have supported me over the last few days, be it with emails, comments, PM's etc. You know who you are. But a big think you to one person in particular, Claire, I am so glad I have you as a friend xx
So, so sad
Last night at 20:45 my dear Gramps passed away. He was 72, 6 weeks short of his 73rd birthday.
Today I feel empty. I feel like someone took out my heart,, stamped all over it and put it back. I can't stop crying and had very little sleep, I feel sick.
I know he is in a much happier place and he's no longer suffering and that is a good thing, but I just can't imagine never seeing his face light up when I came into the room, or hearing him call me flower ever again and have no one to stick up for me at family gatherings! I want him back. I want 5 more minutes just to let him know how much I loved him. I know he knew that but...
I keep remembering all the good times, all the happy memories and they make me smile just a little today. I remember our first holiday together in Malta, I have never enjoyed myself more. It was just me Gramps and Nan and I know they were worried that I wouldn't have a good time because thery were that much older, but I had the best time! The day we were driving to the beach and a lorry over took us and splashed muddy water through the window of the hire car all over nan! She was soooo angry but Gramps and I were in the front absolutely pissing ourselves laughing! He taught me how to dive properly that holiday too! And we dressed up one night in stupid clothes and glasses and had our picture taken and that picture sits on the side at my nan and Gramps house. I also remember the day he found out I was pregnant with Daisy, he wasn't feeling well that day and rang me in tears as he was so proud! He also loved her to pieces!
Anyway, Gramps, I miss you so much, I love you. Goodnight and Rest in peace Michael Roy Allen xxxx
A challenge!!`
So I've had a challenge set my my lovely friend Claire!! She is going to set me a scrap lo challenge each week that I have to upload to my blog! So here is the first one!
I had to use pics of Daisy outside, spring colours, a Chipboard Frame, Robo cut title, Blooms, Buttons and Ribbons, oh and I almost forgot a paragraph of journalling (hidden under the pictures on LHS)! I think I get full marks.
All the papers are Doodlebug as are the embellishments, well all apart from the big bloom that is!
I really enjoyed this challenge, it got my creative juices flowing, which is just what I needed right now.
Very Slack
I'm so sorry I've been very slack at updating my blog, I must do better!!
Nothing to report really, well apart from we are doing the Moonwalk again this year!! I am so excited! Well excited in a strange kinda way as I now know what it entails!! So bought my New Balance trainers yesterday and now the training starts! Mum and I are going to beat our time last year of 4hrs 57mins, to hopefully under 4 hours but I need to get a hell of alot of training in for that to happen!!! I am praying that my new trainers are going to be better than the stoopid damn things I wore last year!
Anyway if you want to, you can sponsor me here:
https://www.bmycharity.com/V2/sarahpackerIts for a really good cause so be generous!!!
Only one other thing to report, it seems my Mojo returned last night and not before bloomin' time!! I was getting desperate for a while but it seems to be returning slowly and surely!!!
chrissie posted about this on UKS and I thought it would be fun to do going into a new year!! All the points in lilac are things I have done in my lifetime!!!!
1. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
2. Swam with wild dolphins
3. Climbed a mountain 4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
5. Been inside the Great Pyramid
6. Held a tarantula 7. Taken a candlelit bath with someone 8. Said “I love you’ and meant it 9. Hugged a tree 10. Bungee jumped
1
1. Visited Paris 12. Watched a lightning storm at sea 13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise 14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game (and survived the crush afterwards)16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg 19. Slept under the stars 20. Changed a baby’s diaper21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne 24. Given more than you can afford to charity 25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope 26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment 27. Had a food fight 28. Bet on a winning horse29. Asked out a stranger 30. Had a snowball fight 31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can 32. Held a lamb 33. Seen a total eclipse 34. Ridden a roller coaster 35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking 37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment 39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk 42. Had amazing friends 43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign 46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing 49. Midnight walk on the beach50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland 52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love 53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow 56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke 59. Lounged around in bed all day60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain 63. Played in the mud 64. Played in the rain 65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken 69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class 71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married 73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party 75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days 77. Made cookies from scratch 78. Won first prize in a costume contest79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo 81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason 84. Performed on stage 85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Had a one-night stand
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house 91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children (or…raising children) 97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking 103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds (cumulatively, if you count pregnancy! lol!)
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray 110. Broken someone’s heart 111. Helped an animal give birth 112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol 117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse 119. Had major surgery 120. Had a snake as a pet 121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours 123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi 128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes ... yum!
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you 145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair 147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL. HOPE IT IS A GOOD ONE :O)
I've been tagged!
My lovely friend Claire has tagged me with the "abc" of life so here goes...
A - Available or taken: Happily married to Ash
B - Best friend: Rachel & Kelly
C - Cake or pie: Either!
D - Drink of choice: Cranberry juice or Orangeade!
E - Essential item you use every day: Glasses
F - Favorite color: Yellow (or pink!)
G - Gummy bears or worms: Gummy bears
H - Hometown: Currently Stanwell Middlesex, but spent the past 30 ish years in Northolt!
I - Indulgence: Scrapbooking!
J - January or February: I hate both! January as its my mummy's birthday!
L - Live is incomplete without: My family
M - Marriage Date: 3rd August 2002
N - Number of siblings: 1 (thank god!) younger brother.
O - Oranges or Apples: Oranges
P - Phobias or Fears: Pidgeons (ohhhh makes me shudder just writing the word!)
Q - Fave Quote: You're joking right?!
R - Reason to smile: My hubby, my gorgeous daughter, my new puppy, my kitties, my wonderful family and friends, my job.
S - Season: Summer, long hot nights, bbqs, sitting in the garden til late!
T - Tag 3 or 4 people: Rachel, Kat and Sonia
U - Unknown fact about me: I stared in an East 17 video!
V - Vegetable you don't like: Yucky sweetcorn and sprouts
W - Worst habit: Leaving my stuff all over the place at home, it drives Ash mad!
X-rays: Head, toe, ankle twice!
Y - Your fave food: Indian
Z - Zodiac sign: Saggitarius.
